Category Archives: Couples Blog

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Couples buying a sex toy for the first time

Hey My Lovelies, So, I have a few tips on buying sex toys as a couple, these are a must my sweets;

So if you are buying sex toys for the first time, please please please sit down and talk about it, it’s so much fun sitting down and browsing the internet looking for a toy to spice up your love life, there are so many fun sex toys out there all different shape and sizes, you certainly don’t want to arrive with a 15″ Dildo that is going to frighten the bejaysus out of your partner!!!!

So you are a first time user! My recommendation is a small Clitoral Stimulator, Now let there be no panic it’s not all about us, this can be used as a couple, it’s a fantastic toy for foreplay not only does it satisfy us ladies, it can arouse gentlemen too, with the vibrating sensations touching the Erogenous zones on your man it will drive him crazy, here are 2 examples of erogenous zones; The Nipples and the F Spot!! now where is the F Spot you may ask, well I shall tell you;

How to find it: The frenulum is the spot where the glands meets the shaft on the underside of the penis just below the head, and the concentration of nerve endings here is sometimes compared to the female equivalent of the clitoris. So there you have it!!!

Now when you receive your clitoral stimulator, there is one rule I have, because this toy is small under no circumstances do you use this toy for internal use this is fir external use only!!

Super Vibrating bullet

Next time we will go up a notch to intermediate!!!!

Have a wonderful Day

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Matt’s 5 Magic tips for Valentines day !!! Not for the faint hearted !!!!!

Top 5 gifts for her for Valentine’s Day

Ah Valentine’s day, the day of the year when (mostly) men feel obliged to make an effort in the knowledge that it’s a safe guarantee of some action. Some people think it’s a shameless ploy by marketers and retailers to part you from your cash and you’d be right, but here we have some tips that can get you into the good books and not necessarily cost you cash. Well it’s really just one gift – oral. A shocking 52% of women say their men don’t go down on them enough. That really is shocking considering that a man will have no problem dropping his zip for some lip. So this Valentine’s Day tend to your woman’s lady garden, whether she’s got a bush or a shrub. Because god knows your pleasure area isn’t exactly winning any art prizes.

1. Treat yourself to a meal No, I don’t mean go to a fancy restaurant. You can do that too if you like, but notice that I said “Treat YOURSELF to a meal”. If you need it spelled out for you, then eat her pussy. Go downtown for a nibble. Take your time too, don’t just treat it like an ice cream and lick it like it’s a Loop the Loop. Bit it like it’s a Magnum, swirl your tongue around like it’s a Tangle Twister, carefully take your time to get to the goal like it’s the chocolate inside a Feast. Do all of this and she’s surely repay the favour on your Wibbly Wobbly Wonder.

2. Roses are red… Violets are blue, if you don’t eat her out, your balls will be too. That’s just a little poem for you. Get some rose petals and lay them out on your bed (made with fresh sheet, you dirt) Then lay her down, and forage in her undergrowth until you have her begging for your gnome. Ok, so I stretched my metaphors and euphemisms a little with this one, but you get the idea. Don’t make it seem like you’re just putting some time in downstairs so that you can get to where you want to go. You should want to do this and if it’s just not your thing then don’t force yourself to do it. She’ll pick up on that and it’ll make for an awkward and just not nice experience. I can’t believe I couldn’t work in a hoe joke.

3. Some romantic music… So you’ve got the rose petals, the bed is fresh with dryer sheets (or probably Febreeze) and you’re about to munch like a proper monster. This is where you can change things up. A lot of men complain that they don’t know what to do with a vagina when it comes to oral sex. Well, imagine that the clit is a tiny (yes, even smaller than yours) penis. In particular the tip of a penis, the most sensitive part. Do to that what you’d like done to the tip of your penis. Suck it, flick it, GENTLY nibble it. Flick fast, lick slow, change it up. Hum the national anthem if it keeps your concentration on check or if you want to get freaky why not try beatboxing some Wu Tang Clan into her, erm, beat box?

4. Buy her lingerie… Here’s a rule – unless she’s particularly stated that she wants the crotchless panties and peephole bra, stick with some classic lingerie. I’m not saying women aren’t into that, they are or it wouldn’t be sold. But chances are that she’ll buy them to surprise you. If you buy them for her, it’s like saying “hey, slip these on and then I won’t have to pull anything to the side when we’re drunk later”. Lingerie can sometimes be tricky, finding what she’s comfortable in, what she’ll feel sexy in etc. But generally if it doesn’t look like it came from a red tinted window in Amsterdam you should be ok. And don’t hide behind the excuse that you don’t know her size. Check her underwear drawer when she’s in the shower and you’ll have all the size info you need – and it’ll give you some clues to what styles she likes etc. Lingerie isn’t for you, it’s for her. Knowing that what you’ll be turned
on by what she’s wearing is one thing, knowing that you want her out of it as soon as possible is a bigger turn on altogether. Failing that, ask her to wear her favourite dress without anything underneath might just turn you both on enough that you won’t make it out of the house before jumping on each other. And we all know that a hot, kinky night in is much better than a fancy night out!

5. Take your time… We’re all grown ups here so I’m going to talk the way people talk. Take your time when you eat her pussy. Going down on a woman is one of the most enjoyable sexual experiences I can look forward to. If you think it’s boring, you’re doing it wrong. If she thinks it’s boring, you’re definitely doing it wrong. Read up on tips on how to do it. Or if you want some real tips? Watch some lesbian porn. Proper lesbian porn, none of the inflated boobs, fake tanned “OH YEAH TONGUE MY FUCK BOX” lesbian porn. Search for Melena Morgan, Elle Alexandra and get lost in related videos, links etc. These girls know what they’re doing, and more importantly what to ask their partner for. If you’re still thinking that going down on a lady is for the birds (geddit?) then mix things up with some 69 action. Trust me, if you’re putting your work in you’ll be on the receiving end of the best blowjob you’ve ever had. And if that’s not an epic incentive then there’s nothing more we can do for you.

Matt you Do have a wonderful way of words !!!! Thank you check out more of Matt’s work here my lovelies https://www.facebook.com/podskwod/

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Top 5 signs she’s NOT faking it

Top 5 signs she’s NOT faking it

Men, we like to think we’re God’s gift to women and their sexy parts. The harsh reality is that due to our over inflated ego, too much online porn and lack of actual experience with constructive feedback, we’re probably rubbish.

You’ll read tons of articles online telling you that size doesn’t matter. It doesn’t, it’s just a nice bonus. Kind of like the difference between a cream eclair bought in a petrol station versus one bought in a 7th generation local family bakery. One will leave you wanting more and the other will leave you feeling ashamed of yourself and wondering why you do it to yourself every time.

But I digress.

Anyway, ask a man if a woman he’s ever been with has faked an orgasm and he’ll probably look more offended than a Muslim in a teddy bear art gallery. Fact is that 26% of women fake orgasms every time they have sex. So lads, if you’re out with 3 mates and by some miracle you all pull – one of you will be leaving a lady wishing she had an eclair instead.

But you need wonder no more. Here are Canoodle’s Top 5 Signs that She’s NOT Faking it!

1. The most beautiful word in the English language – Moist
It’s basic physiology. When a woman is super aroused her vagina gets wet. I could sugar coat it with better terms, but that’s what it boils down to. If after the deed you find yourself more than a little dry, then chances are that she was less than honest with her moans of passion.
On a slightly less romantic note, if just before the main event she mutters “Spit on that first, love” then she probably just wanted to get it over with in the first place.

2. Is she looking a little flushed?
Rosey cheeks were once a sign that a woman was healthy, which is where the fashion of blushing with makeup originated from (lots of facts in this here piece). In this instance we’ll think of rosey cheeks being the result of a good work out. Like when you’re perving on women in the gym you probably wouldn’t have noticed (because you were ogling her yoga pants while trying not to get spotted) that her face was red, she was sweaty and out of breath.
Well good sex is a lot like a work out.
If she doesn’t look like she’s at least had a short sprint, she was being liberal with her vocal encouragements.

3. Is she a little out of breath?
You know how in movies when there’s a sex scene and they flop on to their backs and they’re all out of breath for a minute? Actually, scratch that. You know how when you have sex and you flop on your back and you’re out of breath just before you roll over, fart and fall asleep? Well if she’s not as out of breath as you are, you didn’t do something properly. It’s like being on a see-saw – if you were the one doing all the bouncing and she was just being bounced around then she wouldn’t be out of breath. She’d just be sort of shook up. Yeah, it’d be fine but she’d probably want to go on the slide next time, if you get my meaning.
4. Is she asleep before you?
It’s not an uncommon knowledge or joke that men fall asleep after sex, but truth is that if a woman finds herself on the receiving end of a good seeing to then she should be fit for the land of nod just as quickly as you are.
It’s all about endorphins or magic or something I don’t know.
Your lady should be out of breath, red faced and wetter than an otter’s socks just before she drifts off to the best night’s sleep she’s had since she binged on eclairs.

5. Does she want to go again?
You know why it sucks to be a man sometimes? Because we can have one orgasm at a time. Some women can have one right after another. And if you’re good enough your lady can enjoy all the benefits of her superior anatomy. All you need is some education (not porn), experience and to pay attention. Attention to what she wants, what she likes, what she tells you or how her body responds to what you’re doing.
Multiple orgasms aside, if you do what you’re supposed to then we can bet that she’ll be more than a little eager to get at it again.

If not, you can always buy her a cake and roll over.

If you want to get a little adventurous, or even explore with your partner remember that Canoodle has everything (and more) that you need to inject some fun into your sex life.

Compliments of Matt @ https://www.facebook.com/podskwod

Our latest instalment of “The Sexy Santa” product reviews!

So ourselves and our best buds over at Chunk.ie have come (yes, cum) up with a series for the lead up to Christmas, cleverly titled “Sexy Santa”. Yeah, that title is more original than a One Direction song. the up

Anyway, we figured that people might be stuck for ideas, fun or otherwise for what to get their significant other for some sexy xmas times. Anyway here is the latest installment from our mates at chunk.ie

Wonder no more, as you’ll already know from our recent shoot with Canoodle, they have some sexy stuff. And there’s plenty of time to look over all the awesome stuff they have, but in the meantime have some of this.

Last week, we (or I) reviewed the male toy, the Tenga Egg, so this week we’ll move onto a toy that is designed specifically for couples – The “UP!” Top Loading Beaded Ring, made by California Exotic Novelties. Admittedly the name isn’t the most original and the rather blunt description of what it is, doesn’t exactly lend itself to “sexy time”. But if you want your stuff to do exactly what it says on the tin, then this is for you.

What can I say about this then?

Well I will say that first impressions were lasting thanks to the misleading packaging. The picture on the box is accurate, it’s just the size of the box itself. It’s easily 8 times larger than the ring it houses but that’s just a side note really.

The ring is made from a TPR (we’ll get to that in a minute) and is stretchy to fit around the penis while the large nub and smaller bumps are designed for the lady’s pleasure. The vibrating bullet slips into the sleeve and is operated by a simple on/off push button. It takes three watch sized batteries and thankfully in the box there is not only batteries to get you started, but a whole other set for changing out.

Now, as for the TPR – I had no idea what it was so I went and did some looking around. And by jaysis if sex toys haven’t gone all space agey in the last couple of decades.

SO THERE!
I’m going to be completely honest at this point and say that as a rule, I’m not a fan of vibrating things on my penis. Just never did anything for me, but that doesn’t mean I was reluctant to give it a go! I’ve also tried a cock ring only once in my life and while these things rarely come (hehe) with instructions, I must have been using it wrong because I didn’t come off (hehehe) liking cock rings much either.

That all said, I couldn’t fault this little gadget. The vibration is more than strong enough and it actually delivered a more than reasonable sensation for myself. My partner on the other hand didn’t know which direction to role her eyes in once this little monster was turned on. Although it might have had something to do with me too, I can’t be sure.

All in all it was a very enjoyable addition to play time and what made this toy even better value for money was the removable bullet could be used on its own without the rest of the ring.

Final impressions:

It’s cheap and cheerful and small enough to be stored inside a night bag, travel bag, clutch bag or even your back pocket! You’ll have plenty of fun and it should last you more than a few uses, meaning it’s great value. You don’t have to have deep pockets to add something fun to your play time.

There’s not a whole lot that can go wrong with it either, even the most novice sex toy users can jump right in with this one, and I don’t doubt that if that’s the case that you won’t be moving on to more adventurous stuff soon after.

The 11 worst things you can do at the office Christmas party!

It’s Christmas party season! That magical time of year when your career and your borderline alcoholism collide. What could possibly go wrong?xmas party

Well according to our Friends at Metro.co.uk, absolutely nothing, nothing as long as you don’t do any of these of course…

1. Rinse the free booze (Yes it has been noted that you’re stalking the waiters for free champagne and yes it is frowned upon)

2. Wear something totally inappropriate (Of course that would never happen if you shopped at www.canoodle.ie)

3. Say something totally inappropriate like ‘Hey, this is really fun! Everyone’s drinking and smiling and dancing and I feel so relaxed! It never felt appropriate in the office, but maybe this party is the perfect occasion to make a funny joke about my boss’ moobs or boobs even!!!!” NO.

4. Dance too energetically. We all know the score. A few drinks down and harmless bopping turns to dancing turns to twerking. When you’re challenging IT to a breakdance-off it’s time to go home.

5. Engage your boss in conversation about your performance at work. It’s a party; not an appraisal!!

6. Cop off with a colleague. They’re hot now because you’ve had 11 tackily themed Christmas cocktails, but they’ll be plain-looking again once you’re back in the office. Don’t be the office gossip on Monday morning.

7. Cop off with a colleague in front of other colleagues. OK, if you absolutely must, at least go somewhere private to do it. Most venues have disabled toilets these days.

8. Get involved in photos. Don’t take photos because people will come to fear and resent you. Don’t be in photos because there is every reason to fear and resent the takers of photos at office Christmas parties.

9. Tell someone senior about your sexual proclivities. I’m afraid I’m talking from experience here. I did this last year and the worst bit about it was that the senior person shared their sexual proclivities back at me, which I wasn’t expecting.

10. Publicly demonstrate your sexual proclivities on someone senior in the middle of the party. Yep, did this too.

11. And finally… not turn up to work the next morning. ‘Hi, it’s Bob. Yeah, I’m afraid I’m not going to make it in to work today. You know how you last saw me at 3am vomiting into the intern’s snood? Well completely coincidentally I have woken up this morning with the flu.’

If your Christmas party is on a school night, you’re still expected to turn up to work the next day. Sorry about that.

Have a good one. No wait, have a great one. Merry Christmas from all at www.canoodle.ie

Independent Product Review gets 9/10 by Chunk.ie

The first in a series of independent product reviews sees our friends at chunk.ie give us the high up and the low down on our Tenga Egg. We think they may even have enjoyed themselves! Here is what they had to say!

Sexy-Santa

“When I first heard about the Tenga Egg by Tenga, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it. To be honest, I hadn’t completely gotten over my feelings of estrangement towards masturbation sleeves, and to some degree I’m not sure I totally have. For me, they’re just weird. Maybe a little threatening in some way. Funny how a big rubber cock won’t push my comfort boundaries at all, but an often shapeless silicone sleeve that goes on my member will. I can’t explain it. But I digress! Maybe I’ll talk about that more in another article. Back to the Tenga Egg!

I was pretty intrigued by the concept of the Egg. Here’s the brief: The Egg is intended as a lowcost, few-times-use, disposable masturbation sleeve that comes in a variety of textures. It’s packaged with water-based lube as part of the product, so it comes ready to go. Or goes ready to come. Nevermind.

The packaging is a plastic egg shell, similar to a plastic Easter egg, with a shrink-wrap wrapper and label. That comes off easily enough and then you crack the shell halves apart. Inside is the egg-shaped silicone sleeve. The sleeve itself is smooth on the outside with only one opening at the wide, bottom end. Tucked inside is a tampon-shaped plastic retaining cylinder with two purposes: to retain the shape of the egg until use, and to provide a convenient container for a small packet of water-based lube. Pull out the retainer, tear open the lube packet, line the outer opening with a little lube, and squirt the rest inside the sleeve. All told, it’s a pretty clever package.
So that’s the pitch. What was using it like?

 

The Solo Test
Well first, how about a few gripes: Let’s start by talking about the lube. It’s a Tenga branded waterbased lube in a little packet that’s rolled up inside the plastic retainer. I think it’s a clever idea.

The sleeve itself feels thin, as I prepped it I wasn’t sure if this sleeve was going to hold up. The texture inside was quite thick and noticeable, however. As I got going the sides of the egg were thick enough to accommodate a good squeeze. The thin nature of the walls means you can be a lot more dynamic with the sensations by altering your grip style and pressure. What you do with
your grip really transmits through this toy.

After a few minutes the silicone begins to warm up from the heat of your hands and the friction. This results in the firmness of the silicone to change. The walls of the egg begin to feel more buttery as you continue. For some this dynamic change might be really pleasant. Personally, I found the experience to feel a little inconsistent and “used” after only a few minutes. I would have been a little happier if it retained a firmer feeling throughout, but this is really a nitpick. It wasn’t that distracting.

There was plenty I liked here, however. Before ripping the sensation was excellent. Typically a hand-job or a blow-job takes a lot of work to get me off. And I would say the sensation for me was more akin to either of those acts as opposed to vaginal or anal penetration. Yet I had a really hard time pacing myself so that I didn’t blow within five minutes. The more I kept this thing lubed, the more awesome it felt, so keep a supply of extra lube and a bit of water on hand to keep things gliding. As long as it didn’t break and it stayed properly lubricated, the egg felt wonderful!

 

The Couple Test
It should be noted that this is just a personal feeling of mine (and one that we’re admittedly trying to change with this series) that male sex toys have a bigger stigma attached to them than anything a woman can buy. I mean think about it, Canoodle have parties in homes all the time. I’m betting though that most of them involve women laughing over wine coolers about the veiny texture of the latest dong. I can’t imagine that there are many male parties wondering what a latex pussy feels like.

That said, this is the reason I was a little hesitant in trying this toy with my partner. Luckily she wasn’t so hesitant. Why? Well because I have the gift/curse of a long staying power when it comes to, erm, coming. Blowjobs and handjobs are a workout. (Like upwards of 20 minutes sometimes) So anything that might speed that process up was a warm welcome as far as she was concerned. Well, just like a handjob/blowjob from another person is generally better than anything you can do yourself (assuming that person knows what you like etc), the egg was much better being worked by an independent pair of hands! It cut my staying power time into a mere fraction.
So there.

Final Impressions
First of all, this toy is marketed as a single use toy. Which to me seems a bit shitty. I mean, there’s no way that female toys would sell as well as they do if they were only single use. But I wouldn’t let that put you off. With a little care and proper hygiene this toy could be used a few more times. Hell, unless you rip right through it, there’s no reason to replace it before a few more uses.

Some might think the price point is a little high for a disposable toy. When I look at all that goes into this complete package, however, I’m sympathetic that it’s probably about as low as it can get.

Presentation
I give it a 4/5 for clever design, tight, efficient packaging, not looking cheap to me at all.

Sensation
I loved the sensations this little egg elicits. A solid 5/5.

Hot Sex trends & toys for the cold November nights!

As you cuddle in to warm those cold toes these cold evenings, here are some brilliant mattress moves every hot-blooded Irish person should try out!

cold feet

Our mission at Canoodle.ie is to try and change the statistic that more than half of the Irish Population are either stuck in a sex rut or are dissatisfied with their sex lives.

Having said that we’re currently experiencing a shift in couples’ attitudes, moving away from the more risque toys that was so popular little over one year ag0, and towards sex toys that represent a longer-term investment in intimacy.

Ladies if you haven’t done so, its time to introduce your man to your battery-operated friend!! If its your first toy as well may we suggest you try a product that is on the more sensual side as very often the cheap, tastelessly packaged vibrators on the market tend not be the the best way to break the ice. Take a look at the Lelo Indulge Me . Its a bit on the pricey side but as an ultimate all round package its pretty good and you will forget about your cold feet pretty quickly.

Following a recent survey we found that over 71% of men and and 62% of women were totally open to integrating a sex toy into their partners sex lives so if you are a couple that is stuck in a rut, statistically you have a great chance of success by introducing a sex toy. But maybe you’re one of the remaining 30% and that’s fine too. Here at Canoodle we want everyone to be comfortable with themselves so maybe you can join in on the Christmas festivities a little early. We think it starts way too early every year but if you cant beat them, then join them. This little Dreamy Red Girl Lingerie number is fantastic value at only €39.99 and its a sure way turn up the heat between the covers (just leave the bed socks off, till after Lol!!)

At Canoodle we found it hard to believe that the words “Great Sex” went alongsiide words such as “Technology” or “Blue tooth”. But we are open minded here and were willing to consider this latest trend. These days everyone and their dog has a mobile phone and it seems to interrupt our normal relationships so why not turn that into your advantage. That may sound a bit adventurous to most but our experience is that interacting via technology rather than face-to-face provides an anonymity that often makes it easier for partners to express their desires. Our favorite is the Blue motion Stimulator.  We think its a trend that’s here to stay.

We are closely watching the world trends and we firmly believe that in 2015 the world will finally start to wake up to the fact that women of all ages are sexual beings. next year we predict a a greater trend towards female directed erotica / sexy films and a greater trend towards main street fashion including items such as kinky cut-out boots, fitted leather outfits with heavy zippers etc.

Follow our Facebook page to keep up to date on all the latest trends. https://www.facebook.com/canoodleireland

You’re never too big to have fun on Halloween!

Whether you’re dressing up, dressing down, or just into Holloween for the sweets; if your marriage needs some spicing up then Halloween would be the perfect time to let your wild side out.trick or treat

Some people say that Halloween is meant to be scary not sexy but dressing up in costume is a GREAT way to spice up your sex life. Any time a couple gets out of their day to day routine, they will have an opportunity to explore sides and facets of themselves as individuals, and their collective self as a couple.

If you don’t want to try too many things at once or if the whole costume thing is just a wee bit too much, then try just a mask, instead of full on costume. Its as simple as that and you don’t even have to have a plan, just go with the flow.

So why does putting on a Halloween costume have such an effect. Well firstly putting on a costume gives people “psychological permission” to behave differently than they normally do. All of a sudden you have permission to behave a little silly, sexy or whatever the mood takes you.

If you are not into the whole costume thing, why not a simple and inexpensive game: instead of asking truth or dare, ask Trick? Or Treat? And let your partner choose. You deliver.

Have a sexy Halloween and please feel free to visit our own little red devil costume by clicking here!

The simple & free sex moves that men love most!

Ok, so we all know that men are biologically designed to be gratified in bed more quickly and easily than we are, right?? So why, you ask would we need a blog on how to gratify them even quicker? Well the answer is simple, not all men are the same and as the couples who’ve tried them can attest to, here are some techniques that are guaranteed to thrill him even quicker — but also make him eager to please you in return. couple

Men are erotic visualists, more intensely aroused by visual stimulation than women are. Some men say that watching a woman climax is the ultimate form of arousal for them but just bear this in mind if you have a habbit of always diving in under the covers with the lights off. We are not saying that you do the full monty or anything just remember that a little visual stimulation will go a long way.

Ultimately, sex is sex but great sex is about emotion and positions are part of the fun as the real payoff is the way these positions make him feel. Don’t get us wrong, missionary is great but “woman on top” puts you in the driver’s seat, and that’s exactly where he wants you. Take advantage of being in control and set the pace according to what you like, leaving his hands free to roam. The bonus? He loves having your curves in full view…so flip on the lights (even the lights in the next room) and give him a sneaky peak.

Contrary to popular belief, guys aren’t satisfied with just getting laid. They want it to be good and exciting too. Yes, his penis is his number one erogenous zone and most men want to get down to business as soon as possible but don’t neglect his less boneriffic parts — a back rub shows you care about him but it also allows for the slow build up of what could be a great sex night!

Men have self-esteem issues too you know. Most are not vain as we know it but sometimes they do need affirmations about their appearance so don’t forget to return the favor every now and again. If you happen to do it whilst you have a quiet moment together then all I can say is “Hold onto your seats”.

Ok girls, lets make some noise. When you’re between the sheets, moan, breathe heavily, maybe even scream. Men need to feel like they are doing a good job, and there’s nothing worse than someone who seems bored. Men want to think they’re rocking your world and their is no better way to express it. You may even enjoy it!

Don’t forget girls that men love the fact that we are soft and smell amazing so before we even start we are onto a winner. It’s this amazing combination of shampoo, perfume, and whatever girly soap, bodywash stuff you use in the shower so really we cant go wrong so just relax and enjoy.

 

 

Bi Myths

In this article, I aim to dispel the biggest bisexual misconceptions and stereotypes, shed light on some new ones, and help to document a sexual identity that is often shrugged off as a “phase”.

  1. Bisexuals are sluts. First off what’s wrong with having as much sex as you want to, provided you are safe of course. Just because bisexuals technically have more options for sexual partners doesn’t mean they are more promiscuous. Naturally, there are bisexuals who are non-monogamous, and who want to sow their oats, but the same could be said for every sexual orientation. Perhaps the truer statement is we all have the potential to be slutty, regardless of which way we swing.
  2. Bisexual women only do it to turn straight guys on. We call these ladies beersexuals, and yes, they do exist, but not usually outside of college campuses or Nightclubs. There are also, of course, the Celebrity make-outs of the world, you know the ones, Katy Perry pulled the same stunt with her “I Kissed A Girl” song, which is so tame it’s downright laughable. Lyrics paraphrased: “I kissed a girl, but I was drunk! And I have a boyfriend! And it’s human nature, but I’m still really rebellious!” Barring celebrity bisexuals, I can assure you that most bisexual chicks are highly annoyed by leering dudes who catcall, whistle, or are generally a nuisance when they are courting another lady.
  3. Bisexuals are indecisive or confused. Derogatory statements like the above are all too common to a bisexual’s ears. And yes, it comes from both the gay and straight communities! People sometimes think bisexuals are either cowardly or are taking advantage of straight privilege. However, being attracted to more than one gender is about as likely to make you “indecisive” as watching a lot of musical theatre is likely to turn you gay. Also, isn’t it odd that it’s always the gays and straights who are confused about bisexuality, and not bisexuals themselves?
  4. Bisexuality is a cop-out or a phase. It’s always scary to come out of the closet for the first time but coming out as bisexual is essentially declaring that you don’t have a preference. It’s a revolving closet, so it’s somewhat understandable that people tend to view bisexuality as a stepping stone to a more “valid” sexual identity. But this rationale is just another way for people try to devalue bisexuality as an identity, the same tactic used to devalue homosexuality, or being transgender, etc. A lot of thought, turmoil and struggle goes into the decision to come out, and to dismiss it so readily is deliberately insulting.
  5. Everybody is bisexual. They are? Why the heck am I single. This one isn’t even close. This misconception started with Freud was bolstered by Kinsey. However, there are a lot more people acting on bisexual desires than there are who identify as such. While not everyone is bisexual, here’s a small smattering of bi celebs who are commonly mistaken or purposely misconstrued as card-carrying homos and heteros: Sappho (yes, the Greek poster-dyke), Kurt Cobain, James Dean, Ani DiFranco, Walt Whitman, Anais Nin, Frida Kahlo, Eleanor Roosevelt, Alexander the Great, Tchaikovsky, Michael Stipe, Lord Byron, Emily Dickinson, Andy Dick, Herman Melville, Eve Ensler, Judy Garland, Georgia O’Keeffe (who was Frida’s lover for a time), Marlon Brando, Cary Grant, Billie Holiday, Angelina Jolie, Janis Joplin, David Bowie, Jack Kerouac, Kristanna Loken (fromTerminator 3 and the one who burned Shane’s house down in Season 4 of The L Word), Madonna, Elton John, Amanda Palmer (from the Dresden Dolls), Cole Porter, Anthony Rapp ( Rent), Virginia Woolf, Patti Smith, Mick Jagger and on and on.
  6. Bisexuals can never be happy in a monogamous relationship. Let the record show that bisexuals are just as likely to fail at monogamy as the rest of you! According to Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth, statistics show that 40 percent of women and 60 percent of men have affairs at least once in their marriages. Since these people aren’t always married to each other, that means about 80 percent of all marriages are “touched” by adultery. But being bisexual doesn’t make you any more likely to cheat than being straight or gay does. Nor does it mean that bisexuals are destined to be miserable without a variety of genitalia at their disposal. Just as in other sexual relationships, being partnered with one person doesn’t suddenly negate your attraction to other people. The same goes for bisexuals in monogamous relationships.
  7. Bisexuals love threesomes! This is one that’s both really irritating and understandable at the same time. Sure, who doesn’t want to have their cake and eat a girl too from time to time? But the culturally pervasive hetero dude fantasy of the threesome-as-Holy-Grail has turned a delightful, occasional sexytime experience into an annoying bombardment of cold-call propositions, usually from strangers or drunks. There was a time last year when every week, I would get a threesome proposition online from (often) the dude-half of a straight couple asking if I would like to screw them. Rarely did these propositions even contain a perfunctory “Hello, you look nice in pinstripes” or any other kind of humanizing email chatter. Instead, bisexuals are thought of as the fast food of sexual experience, always ready and available to help you with your cravings at the drop of an un-proofread email. Also, while swinging and orgy parties do seem to be on the rise (there are roughly 3,000 clubs worldwide) preference for group sex will always be in the minority. Remember that the next time you try to slur your way into a bisexual’s pants at the pub.