Top 5 gifts for her for Valentine’s Day
Ah Valentine’s day, the day of the year when (mostly) men feel obliged to make an effort in the knowledge that it’s a safe guarantee of some action. Some people think it’s a shameless ploy by marketers and retailers to part you from your cash and you’d be right, but here we have some tips that can get you into the good books and not necessarily cost you cash. Well it’s really just one gift – oral. A shocking 52% of women say their men don’t go down on them enough. That really is shocking considering that a man will have no problem dropping his zip for some lip. So this Valentine’s Day tend to your woman’s lady garden, whether she’s got a bush or a shrub. Because god knows your pleasure area isn’t exactly winning any art prizes.
1. Treat yourself to a meal No, I don’t mean go to a fancy restaurant. You can do that too if you like, but notice that I said “Treat YOURSELF to a meal”. If you need it spelled out for you, then eat her pussy. Go downtown for a nibble. Take your time too, don’t just treat it like an ice cream and lick it like it’s a Loop the Loop. Bit it like it’s a Magnum, swirl your tongue around like it’s a Tangle Twister, carefully take your time to get to the goal like it’s the chocolate inside a Feast. Do all of this and she’s surely repay the favour on your Wibbly Wobbly Wonder.
2. Roses are red… Violets are blue, if you don’t eat her out, your balls will be too. That’s just a little poem for you. Get some rose petals and lay them out on your bed (made with fresh sheet, you dirt) Then lay her down, and forage in her undergrowth until you have her begging for your gnome. Ok, so I stretched my metaphors and euphemisms a little with this one, but you get the idea. Don’t make it seem like you’re just putting some time in downstairs so that you can get to where you want to go. You should want to do this and if it’s just not your thing then don’t force yourself to do it. She’ll pick up on that and it’ll make for an awkward and just not nice experience. I can’t believe I couldn’t work in a hoe joke.
3. Some romantic music… So you’ve got the rose petals, the bed is fresh with dryer sheets (or probably Febreeze) and you’re about to munch like a proper monster. This is where you can change things up. A lot of men complain that they don’t know what to do with a vagina when it comes to oral sex. Well, imagine that the clit is a tiny (yes, even smaller than yours) penis. In particular the tip of a penis, the most sensitive part. Do to that what you’d like done to the tip of your penis. Suck it, ﬂick it, GENTLY nibble it. Flick fast, lick slow, change it up. Hum the national anthem if it keeps your concentration on check or if you want to get freaky why not try beatboxing some Wu Tang Clan into her, erm, beat box?
4. Buy her lingerie… Here’s a rule – unless she’s particularly stated that she wants the crotchless panties and peephole bra, stick with some classic lingerie. I’m not saying women aren’t into that, they are or it wouldn’t be sold. But chances are that she’ll buy them to surprise you. If you buy them for her, it’s like saying “hey, slip these on and then I won’t have to pull anything to the side when we’re drunk later”. Lingerie can sometimes be tricky, ﬁnding what she’s comfortable in, what she’ll feel sexy in etc. But generally if it doesn’t look like it came from a red tinted window in Amsterdam you should be ok. And don’t hide behind the excuse that you don’t know her size. Check her underwear drawer when she’s in the shower and you’ll have all the size info you need – and it’ll give you some clues to what styles she likes etc. Lingerie isn’t for you, it’s for her. Knowing that what you’ll be turned
on by what she’s wearing is one thing, knowing that you want her out of it as soon as possible is a bigger turn on altogether. Failing that, ask her to wear her favourite dress without anything underneath might just turn you both on enough that you won’t make it out of the house before jumping on each other. And we all know that a hot, kinky night in is much better than a fancy night out!
5. Take your time… We’re all grown ups here so I’m going to talk the way people talk. Take your time when you eat her pussy. Going down on a woman is one of the most enjoyable sexual experiences I can look forward to. If you think it’s boring, you’re doing it wrong. If she thinks it’s boring, you’re deﬁnitely doing it wrong. Read up on tips on how to do it. Or if you want some real tips? Watch some lesbian porn. Proper lesbian porn, none of the inﬂated boobs, fake tanned “OH YEAH TONGUE MY FUCK BOX” lesbian porn. Search for Melena Morgan, Elle Alexandra and get lost in related videos, links etc. These girls know what they’re doing, and more importantly what to ask their partner for. If you’re still thinking that going down on a lady is for the birds (geddit?) then mix things up with some 69 action. Trust me, if you’re putting your work in you’ll be on the receiving end of the best blowjob you’ve ever had. And if that’s not an epic incentive then there’s nothing more we can do for you.
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