So Valentine’s Day is but a memory for another year, and singletons can once again wear their status proud. Bitter and proud. But there’s no need to gorge yourself on left over Ben and Jerry’s and discounted chocolates, you can (and should) treat yourself. Yes, treat yourself at the hands of the person who knows you best – you.
Whether you’re a single man testing out the viscosity of different liquids in your house for sexy self time lube or a single lady belting out a Beyonce tune while ignoring your running mascara, we’ve got something for you.
Ladies – sure you have no one to watch The Notebook with, or stroke your hair and call you a princess, but even if you did, could he/she get you off? The “Yeah, I’m Single Female Box” is what you want and what you deserve.
A sexy lace thong with crotch still intact because a man didn’t pick it out. More vibrating stuff than an NCT failing gearbox, some lube in place of a “spit on it, love” and rose petals because, fuck it, you’re worth it.
Men – sure you’ve got no one to give you a sneaky handjob during Die Hard or when you’re tearing it up in Call of Duty, but even if you did, could he/she do it without crying “Don’t get it in my hair!”? The “Yeah, I’m Single Male Box” is everything you need to clear out the baby batter and set your mind straight again.
A silicone masturbator with some lube for when you run out of spit, a vibrating cock ring because that’s why, a prostate stimulator because you’re a modern man, some erotic (posh speak for fancy porn with mood lighting and blow dried hair) DVD’s and some condoms. Let’s face it, last thing we need is some silicone masturbators dragging you into court for a paternity hearing.
So screw Valentine’s Day and your happy attached friends in their ears, Canoodle have you covered.